What It Feels Like to Have a Panic Attack

…Those who have never had a panic attack find it hard to understand, and those who have had one find it hard to ever forget. You can’t breathe, you can’t speak, and the worst thing anyone can try to do is help. It’s over quickly, but scarily it can pop up again anytime. There’s no real prevention, and short of medicating myself to the point of numbness, there is no cure. For now, just leave me the fuck alone in this dark, cold room and let me put ice in my bra. I’ll be fine in about 20 minutes.

Your path to a less anxious life exists!

I grew up in a household with a 6-foot tall, 200-pound, angry gorilla that took out his rage on myself, my mother, and my little brother. My dad has struggled with his mental health his entire life.

I know my upbringing is a big part of the reason I have anxiety. I know that genetics do their fair share too.

I’m anxious about everything, but especially around being perfect in every aspect of my life and in how I show up for others. When I was little, if everything wasn’t just right, the outcome wasn’t pretty. Anxiety was a driving force that helped me avoid bad outcomes, or so I thought. The more anxious I was, the harder I worked towards perfectionism, so I had less to fear. It’s irrational thinking, and I know that now.

Anxiety isn’t protecting me.

mental health, anonymousJordan LacenskiMay 21, 2020mental health, anonymous, anxiety, family, wory Comment

You say "control freak" like it's a bad thing

…This is also what spirals my brain into a spaghetti-like mess, with every noodle touching the other and when you move one, the whole plate moves. Completing a task is never just completing a task, that task is a domino in a long line of perfectly set up dominos. One wrong move and the very worst thing could happen. They all fall…With a brain swirling around and around like spaghetti on a fork, slipping and sliding, I get overwhelmed, often. Throughout my life, the dominos falling, the things I’ve built have crashed and burned, and these circumstances have triggered this feeling of overwhelm to the point of complete burnout, utter panic, sitting in the floor of the shower with the water beating on my head as I count and try to breathe. I feel like I am drowning, like I am gasping for air. The walls are closing in, and I am anchored to the bottom of a deep, dark, pool.